"If you dont know where you are going, any road will get you there"
-Lewis carroll



Hello all.
Today they announced the winner of the Americas next top model search, i stayed in the top 2 through all 300 entries the whole contest, then they narrowed it down to the top 20 where i remained in the the top 2, even though there were cheaters in the contest who would just vote for them selves over and over on fake accounts to put them selves ahead. Tonight they announced the winner, and it was not me, it was one of those cheaters (i had 15,000 page views with over 400 ratings while she had only 3000 page views and around 200 ratings) . I was so nervous waiting for them to anounce the winner i could hardly breathe, i honestly belived i had a chance. My mom was with me to watch the finnally and looked to me and said (before they announced the winner) "dont get your hopes up, you didnt win, if you did there would be a film crew here to record it." It hurts when your family doesnt even belive in you . I remember last year when i was going to my photoshoot with vibrant studios when my mom asked me "why are you doing this?" and i replied because i want to be a model, and she laughed at me and said "you? you'll never be a model".
I still have not given up my dreams of becoming a model. I had a very abusive childhood and there was always one hope in my heart that i could be a model someday if i worked hard and belived in myself. but looking back now i have gone nowhere. not one step closer to my dream. no one seems to belive in me, or belive me when i say that i am a model.
I will keep up all the hard work though, i belive in myself and thats all that matters, my fiance is very supportive of me as well.

I may have not won americas next top model but i have my whole career ahead of me.

So now i sit, alone, watching alice in wonderland and thinking back on all of my photo shoots. Only the future knows whats in store for me. I will continue to work hard towards my dream, because i belive in myself. I know some day i will be a great model, i just hope i can find someone else that can see it in me. There is nothing i want more.
So thank you all for your votes and encouragement. For now i'll just rest and look forward to my future oportunitys.

<3 Suzy
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